The sex was just good, not great. In the past it was great. I don't know if it was me or her or us or just the day...blame it on nerves. It had been a while since I dallied and I had my usual fear of being set up and arrested. That tends to make the willy less than cooperative.
She was looking wonderful, a little more padding on the butt, however apparently the bubble but thing is in. Also, by a little more I mean just a little, still very attractive. It was a kiss and a hug, a blowjob for a moment then a little pussy licking...hat on and ride.
The biggest issue: she was a little dry.
I always take that personally, I tend to go long and I was sweating, it was hot in the room. Positions were not very creative. I wanted to get more creative but I also felt like I was almost ready to cum over and over...but I didn't. It got to the point where I just wanted to cum. So I pulled out and jacked off onto her chest...classy...I know.
I was thinking of round two but she was not that into it, I am sure if I asked she would have. I was also missing the girl who I used to see. It is weird how the mind will play with me like that. It was a hot time but it was expensive and did not really match my expectations...my fault 100%.
Everything else since then has been a busy and weird comedy of errors. On Mothers day I got a message from a friend who I still know but we don't really fuck anymore, it was ill timed and my wife saw it and guessed the worst. I used the truth, I get drugs from her, I am not sure if things were accepted but it has gone away. I am sure it will rear it's head sooner or later, nothing is forgiven or forgotten in my life.
I went out of town and dropped acid in Las Vegas. It was good and eye opening and everything that I remember it was. I was, however, alone all night. There was part of me who wished I had someone that was non-judgmental and playful and just liked to party when it was party time.
I have been writing some erotic fiction recently, none of it worth sharing. I like writing it for me to read it, it gets my fantasies organized and forces me to finish them. They end up being a go to for me when I get horny and need something to get me off.
I miss my play time but I like the simplicity of just jacking off and not having to deal with or pay for people...lol.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Getting a little
Just like friends my love life had been DOA. While I am do indulge myself with myself two to three times a day, actual sex has not happened in quite a while.
I still look at the online ads for prostitutes, but I have not acted on anything this year. I am still missing my cute little lover and the idea of seeing someone else is not exciting. There was one girl who I saw a few times last year, very petite with wonderful sexual energy...amazing sexual energy...and very few boundaries.
She disappeared, most likely took some time off, and I was thinking I would never see her again. Well she is back in the game. It shocked me when I saw her photos and message saying she was working again. I instantly got hard as a rock and the sexual need as almost blinding. Even now when I think about her I get hard and my vision clouds.
When I got in bed I snuggled with my wife and that quickly turned to petting, then...lo and behold...to sex. It was...ok...silent...dark...pitch black dark...I tried to imagine I was with the girl, I pictured her body and what we have done with each other in the past. My wife halfway came, she stops herself because she can only come once and she does not last very long. I tried to get her to come again but despite all my efforts it was not happening. I was losing wood also, our bodies just don't fit together and it was too quiet and dark.
I ended up stopping, I can't remember my excuse but it was well accepted.
I plan on seeing the girl this weekend. I have already started to prepare. I find that if I spend a week not masturbating, drinking water, taking vitamins, working out...basically doing what I should be doing all the time...then I enjoy the sex much more.
It is also an anticipation of the event, building it up.
That is one of the reasons I tend to stick with one or two girls. Nothing is worse than spending a week getting all worked up and having the person not be what you expected and being let down.
I am excited and nervous, it has been a while since I played.
I still look at the online ads for prostitutes, but I have not acted on anything this year. I am still missing my cute little lover and the idea of seeing someone else is not exciting. There was one girl who I saw a few times last year, very petite with wonderful sexual energy...amazing sexual energy...and very few boundaries.
She disappeared, most likely took some time off, and I was thinking I would never see her again. Well she is back in the game. It shocked me when I saw her photos and message saying she was working again. I instantly got hard as a rock and the sexual need as almost blinding. Even now when I think about her I get hard and my vision clouds.
When I got in bed I snuggled with my wife and that quickly turned to petting, then...lo and behold...to sex. It was...ok...silent...dark...pitch black dark...I tried to imagine I was with the girl, I pictured her body and what we have done with each other in the past. My wife halfway came, she stops herself because she can only come once and she does not last very long. I tried to get her to come again but despite all my efforts it was not happening. I was losing wood also, our bodies just don't fit together and it was too quiet and dark.
I ended up stopping, I can't remember my excuse but it was well accepted.
I plan on seeing the girl this weekend. I have already started to prepare. I find that if I spend a week not masturbating, drinking water, taking vitamins, working out...basically doing what I should be doing all the time...then I enjoy the sex much more.
It is also an anticipation of the event, building it up.
That is one of the reasons I tend to stick with one or two girls. Nothing is worse than spending a week getting all worked up and having the person not be what you expected and being let down.
I am excited and nervous, it has been a while since I played.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Blogger Threats...meh
I don't really blog much anymore...not much to say.
The alert that my blog might be effected only concerned me because other blogs that I like might be affected. My original blog was compromised long ago and I killed it...dead. I miss that blog, I want to bring it back but I don't know who will see it and mess with me again.
I guess I will update a little.
Sex...the wife and I have had sex one time this year...once...only...no BJ, no touching...nothing. Not that she is to blame...I have not really tried to instigate either. I want to want to...but I usually don't. She is getting in great shape again, she got sick of complaining that she was getting fat and did not feel attractive. This is great, she is much happier, but it has not translated into any sexual feelings from either of us.
We are happy...sort of... We live well together, fewer fights. We still get annoyed as hell at each other over many things, but we also have a lot of fun with other things. There is not spark and I do miss that...want that...I don't know if her and I will ever have that again.
I have not seen a prostitute this year...yet. I have been tempted, but not enough to follow through. It is a mixture of money, police stings, guilt, too many less than spectacular experiences and the fact that all the ones that I LOVED are no longer working. The girl that my old blog was mainly about cannot even talk to me anymore, her current sugar daddy/boy friend/owner will not allow her to, if she gets caught she gets kicked out on the street. If I could help I would but I don't have that kind of cash right now and she would not take my help anyway...I know this for a fact. Not that she does not like me, or tolerate me, but she will not take that kind of help from me, she told me so.
The other gal who I used to see, and then we had a falling out, she is back. Needed help. This is a good thing, mainly because I can get X from her. I like taking X. Molly is good also but I can't sleep AT ALL on molly so it really messes up my weekend. The time the wife and I had sex was when I was on a little molly...makes me ultra horny so I am willing to deal with all her sex shit that I don't like.
Mainly I have been self pleasuring and watching porn. Things are rough on that front as it seems to take a lot to turn me on visually. I see imperfections now as opposed to naked beauty. I can spend hours masturbating varying between stiff and flaccid to thousands of images before I find one that brings me to orgasm. Usually I just settle on one and make it happen. This is usually when I start thinking that I should find a new regular girl to be with.
Well, hopefully Blogger and Google let this little corner of the internet alone. I don't know how the morality police got interested in this but I hope they find something else to do I can blog about my perversions and read perverted blogs in private like an AMERICAN!
MERICA!!!!
The alert that my blog might be effected only concerned me because other blogs that I like might be affected. My original blog was compromised long ago and I killed it...dead. I miss that blog, I want to bring it back but I don't know who will see it and mess with me again.
I guess I will update a little.
Sex...the wife and I have had sex one time this year...once...only...no BJ, no touching...nothing. Not that she is to blame...I have not really tried to instigate either. I want to want to...but I usually don't. She is getting in great shape again, she got sick of complaining that she was getting fat and did not feel attractive. This is great, she is much happier, but it has not translated into any sexual feelings from either of us.
We are happy...sort of... We live well together, fewer fights. We still get annoyed as hell at each other over many things, but we also have a lot of fun with other things. There is not spark and I do miss that...want that...I don't know if her and I will ever have that again.
I have not seen a prostitute this year...yet. I have been tempted, but not enough to follow through. It is a mixture of money, police stings, guilt, too many less than spectacular experiences and the fact that all the ones that I LOVED are no longer working. The girl that my old blog was mainly about cannot even talk to me anymore, her current sugar daddy/boy friend/owner will not allow her to, if she gets caught she gets kicked out on the street. If I could help I would but I don't have that kind of cash right now and she would not take my help anyway...I know this for a fact. Not that she does not like me, or tolerate me, but she will not take that kind of help from me, she told me so.
The other gal who I used to see, and then we had a falling out, she is back. Needed help. This is a good thing, mainly because I can get X from her. I like taking X. Molly is good also but I can't sleep AT ALL on molly so it really messes up my weekend. The time the wife and I had sex was when I was on a little molly...makes me ultra horny so I am willing to deal with all her sex shit that I don't like.
Mainly I have been self pleasuring and watching porn. Things are rough on that front as it seems to take a lot to turn me on visually. I see imperfections now as opposed to naked beauty. I can spend hours masturbating varying between stiff and flaccid to thousands of images before I find one that brings me to orgasm. Usually I just settle on one and make it happen. This is usually when I start thinking that I should find a new regular girl to be with.
Well, hopefully Blogger and Google let this little corner of the internet alone. I don't know how the morality police got interested in this but I hope they find something else to do I can blog about my perversions and read perverted blogs in private like an AMERICAN!
MERICA!!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2015
FFF: Speechless
Jan 23: Speechless
Key Words: innocent, guilty
Banned Words: Any word with the letter 'z' in it.
Word Limit: 350 Words
Story 1:
“Have you seen my bowtie?”
“It’s on the bed.”
I pulled the pillows and ruffled the cover, nothing.
“Are you sure I put it there?”
“I had Rebecca place it there, she was playing with it earlier.”
I looked on the floor around the bed and found nothing. I crossed the hallway and walked down to our daughters room, the door was closed and light streamed under the threshold.
“Becky have you seen my bowtie?”
“Come in daddy, I have it.”
I opened the door and walked in to my daughters room.
She was beautiful, better than I had ever imagined, innocent and perfect.
“I took your bowtie, daddy, I’m the guilty one.”
Story 2:
“When I call you I want you to enter the room just wearing this bowtie, nothing else.”
“Yes sir.”
“Give him that fucking look that you give that makes men’s knees weak. That innocent look.”
“Yes sir.”
“Then just stand there speechless and keep giving that look, no matter what I say don’t stop fucking giving him that fucking look.”
“Yes, s…”
“EVEN if you feel like the FUCKING SKY will crash upon your head and all hell will break loose, and it just fucking might break loose, EVEN IF GUNS ARE DRAWN AND HAMMERS PULLED THE FUCK BACK...you just stand there giving him that fucking look...do you understand.”
“Yes sir.”
“You, my dear, are the fucking key, the linchpin in the whole fucking plan. Because as god as my fucking witness I PUSSY is mightier than the sword.”
“Yes sir.”
“Now go and prepare, and be ready for my call.”
“Yes sir.”
“And sweety, call me Al. Sir makes me feel fucking guilty.”
“Yes Al.”
___________________________________________________
So story one is an incest thing, it was inspired by the reappearance of Lexi. I thought about making it the maid but she seems so young, maybe a girl at a slumber party who wandered in to dad's room. I also thought about it being a young stripper or escort but I always go there.
Story two is inspired by Al Swerenger from Deadwood. I imagine him using one of his cute young whores to confuse a tense situation and try to win the loyalty of someone who wants to kill him. Maybe the man has an infatuation with this young girl. Al could threaten her in front of him, could offer her up to him or shoot him where he stands. I have been watching this program and love the depth of the characters. I also love how "normal" prostitution was in the old west.
Hope you enjoyed, I am not feeling amazingly creative today, I miss someone dearly and am overly horny and feeling restless.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Watersport
I will admit that I have watched the pee porn. What is it that is so fascinating about it?
It is not my preferred fetish, I do not require it or seek it out on a regular basis...but every now and then I see one and it gets me off.
A friend who is an escort asked me an odd question, "Would you pee on me?"
How do you answer a request like that..."Please explain what you mean." I believe that was my answer.
It seems that in her porn watching, which is extensive, she has gravitated to the watersports. This led her to wonder if she would enjoy it, and a desire to try. She does have a sugar daddy but feels that if she asks and he responds negatively it could change their relationship. Or if he says yes and views it as gross, then he will not see her the same again. Worse, if he says yes, LOVES it and she ends up not liking it, then she is now stuck being pissed on and having to act like she likes it.
I am a safe alternative, we don't really have sex anymore and we are very honest with each other. If she hates it, the we both just have a laugh and go on.
"So," she asks, "will you pee on me?"
"Yes, I will pee on you." Then I clarify. "In your mouth?"
"No, not yet...not at first."
"Do you have to pee on me?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Not really, this is your fantasy not mine."
"I don't have to, I more want to be peed on."
"I have to read up on it a little, I am sure there are proper ways to prepare."
"I have a few links I will send you."
"Can I pee in you?"
"Like in my vagina?"
"Yes, if there is one fantasy that I do have it is that...I don't know why but it excites me."
"Hell yes then."
"I believe this is one of the oddest conversations I have ever had."
"Run of the mill for my kind of work."
Then we did research, what to drink, what to eat, how to prepare. It is actually a no brainer. No asparagus, no coffee, avoid lots of protein and meat. Drink lots of water, soda water will also help as it gives a good neutral pH to you pee. Don't do it in the morning. When you are ready to go, drink a lot of water and cheep beer...than have fun.
I spent two days drinking water, avoiding coffee and meat. I was REALLY cleaned out. I showed up at her place ready to go...REALLY ready to go. She needed to run an errand. My eyeballs were floating by the time we got back and I instantly started to strip down.
"Right now?" She asked.
"Uh, if not then you will have to wait a while because I am going to go with you there or not."
She started to strip also and ran to the bathroom and stepped into the tub. I was more than ready to go and stood above her.
"Where do you want it?"
"On my chest, not in my mouth or on my face...yet."
"Are you sure you want to do this? You may not like it."
"I think I will like it."
"What makes you so sure you will like it?"
"I have thought about it alo......"
I began to pee, landing it on her chest in a thick clear stream.
"OH GOD! I LIKE IT! I LOVE IT."
I continue my stream, pinching it off slightly so that it would last longer.
"Put it on my nipples."
In silence I moved my stream to her nipples and small breasts. She played with them as I let my stream of warm piss go. I moved the stream down to her stomach and she spread her legs.
"Kneel down and pee on my pussy."
It was a cramped fit and I stopped my stream with my hand and knelt in the tub. She opened her pussy lips a little and I aimed for her clit and let go.
"Oh fuck ya. That is some good stuff."
She rubbed her pussy as I peed all over the area, occasionally aiming up toward her chest again.
"Are you sure you don't want a taste?"
"Not today sailor." She smiled.
I was beginning to run dry. I stroked my cock a few times, it responded by hardening. I moved forward slightly and rubbed the tip on her pussy. In the past all sex was covered with us, safety. This was new territory.
"Can you get it in?" The angle in the tub was difficult.
"I think so, do you want me to?"
"Let's do it, I want to feel you pee inside me."
I slipped forward and pressed the head of my cock into her. It was wet with her excitement and the pee and I slipped in easily. The feeling of a bare pussy on my cock made me get instantly stiff, also having the effect of making it almost impossible to pee. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.
"This is difficult...maybe I need to drink more beer."
"Ok, I am going to rinse off."
I pushed inside her a little and smiled then pulled out.
In the front room I sat naked on the couch and drank beer and water as she showered and talked about how much she liked it.
"Did you like it?" she asked as she walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her.
"Yes, it's not something that I feel like I HAVE to do."
"I get the feeling like you did not like it."
"It's not that at all. I am a pleaser, it makes me happy to make people happy. I get turned on by seeing someone turned on, get it? So the fact that you enjoyed it makes it exciting for me. I just don't see myself requesting to pee on a girl in order to feel satisfied."
"I get it. Drink your beer so you can pee in me you perv."
I chugged my can and opened another with a smile. We talked about football and other things as I drank the beer and water. After about 15 minutes I felt some pressure building.
"I feel a little pressure."
"Cool, let's go."
She got in the tub and instead of laying down she bent over. My cock was soft and I used my thumb to press the head inside and tried to go. My cock began to harden slightly as I felt my pee start to flow a little.
"Oh, I feel it."
I pushed in a little and let a little more go, I wanted a big stream but the feel of her pussy just made me want too hard.
"I'm getting too hard again."
I relaxed and tried to not move but her pussy almost massaged my cock as she talked.
"This feels good too, if you just want to go for it."
I tried to press more pee out but it just was not happening. I pushed myself inside her and began stroking. She responded in her usual 'oh' and 'ah'. I pulled out once and held my cock feeling the piss pressure building, some started to flow and I aimed it at her pussy and let it stream out. I pushed into her and the pee continued to flow.
"Oh god yes...yes..."
The pee flowed around my cock and down her legs. Only the head was in but it felt dirty and erotic. I pushed deeper and felt some pee go but my cock instantly jumped and sealed it off again. I just fucked.
The excitement of fucking her without a condom and the feeling of her pussy coupled with the fact that I had just pee on her and in her got my juices flowing quickly.
As I felt myself get close to cumming I considered doing that inside her also, I am 'fixed' so there is no worry of pregnancy but I did not feel comfortable asking. Weird how peeing inside was ok but cumming may be too far.
I pulled out and stroked my cock, rubbing the head against her pussy, when my cum start to go I aimed at her ass and back. When I was done she squatted down in the tub, stretching her legs a little from the odd position she had been in. My cock was a little softer and I felt a little pressure. Aiming at her back where I had cum I peed.
"Oh wow! You surprised me."
"Just washing of you back," I joked.
She arched her back and stood back up a little letting my peed hit her ass and pussy. When I was done we both showered off the mess and got dressed.
"I am going to want that again." She said.
"With you sugar daddy?"
"I don't trust him that way, you have to be my pee slut."
"Ok, just give me a couple days warning so I can change my diet."
"You really gave up meat for this?"
"I wanted to be sure you have every chance to enjoy it without any odors or surprises."
"Your a good friend."
"You bet your ass I am, I am going to get a steak and asparagus now..."
It is not my preferred fetish, I do not require it or seek it out on a regular basis...but every now and then I see one and it gets me off.
A friend who is an escort asked me an odd question, "Would you pee on me?"
How do you answer a request like that..."Please explain what you mean." I believe that was my answer.
It seems that in her porn watching, which is extensive, she has gravitated to the watersports. This led her to wonder if she would enjoy it, and a desire to try. She does have a sugar daddy but feels that if she asks and he responds negatively it could change their relationship. Or if he says yes and views it as gross, then he will not see her the same again. Worse, if he says yes, LOVES it and she ends up not liking it, then she is now stuck being pissed on and having to act like she likes it.
I am a safe alternative, we don't really have sex anymore and we are very honest with each other. If she hates it, the we both just have a laugh and go on.
"So," she asks, "will you pee on me?"
"Yes, I will pee on you." Then I clarify. "In your mouth?"
"No, not yet...not at first."
"Do you have to pee on me?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Not really, this is your fantasy not mine."
"I don't have to, I more want to be peed on."
"I have to read up on it a little, I am sure there are proper ways to prepare."
"I have a few links I will send you."
"Can I pee in you?"
"Like in my vagina?"
"Yes, if there is one fantasy that I do have it is that...I don't know why but it excites me."
"Hell yes then."
"I believe this is one of the oddest conversations I have ever had."
"Run of the mill for my kind of work."
Then we did research, what to drink, what to eat, how to prepare. It is actually a no brainer. No asparagus, no coffee, avoid lots of protein and meat. Drink lots of water, soda water will also help as it gives a good neutral pH to you pee. Don't do it in the morning. When you are ready to go, drink a lot of water and cheep beer...than have fun.
I spent two days drinking water, avoiding coffee and meat. I was REALLY cleaned out. I showed up at her place ready to go...REALLY ready to go. She needed to run an errand. My eyeballs were floating by the time we got back and I instantly started to strip down.
"Right now?" She asked.
"Uh, if not then you will have to wait a while because I am going to go with you there or not."
She started to strip also and ran to the bathroom and stepped into the tub. I was more than ready to go and stood above her.
"Where do you want it?"
"On my chest, not in my mouth or on my face...yet."
"Are you sure you want to do this? You may not like it."
"I think I will like it."
"What makes you so sure you will like it?"
"I have thought about it alo......"
I began to pee, landing it on her chest in a thick clear stream.
"OH GOD! I LIKE IT! I LOVE IT."
I continue my stream, pinching it off slightly so that it would last longer.
"Put it on my nipples."
In silence I moved my stream to her nipples and small breasts. She played with them as I let my stream of warm piss go. I moved the stream down to her stomach and she spread her legs.
"Kneel down and pee on my pussy."
It was a cramped fit and I stopped my stream with my hand and knelt in the tub. She opened her pussy lips a little and I aimed for her clit and let go.
"Oh fuck ya. That is some good stuff."
She rubbed her pussy as I peed all over the area, occasionally aiming up toward her chest again.
"Are you sure you don't want a taste?"
"Not today sailor." She smiled.
I was beginning to run dry. I stroked my cock a few times, it responded by hardening. I moved forward slightly and rubbed the tip on her pussy. In the past all sex was covered with us, safety. This was new territory.
"Can you get it in?" The angle in the tub was difficult.
"I think so, do you want me to?"
"Let's do it, I want to feel you pee inside me."
I slipped forward and pressed the head of my cock into her. It was wet with her excitement and the pee and I slipped in easily. The feeling of a bare pussy on my cock made me get instantly stiff, also having the effect of making it almost impossible to pee. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.
"This is difficult...maybe I need to drink more beer."
"Ok, I am going to rinse off."
I pushed inside her a little and smiled then pulled out.
In the front room I sat naked on the couch and drank beer and water as she showered and talked about how much she liked it.
"Did you like it?" she asked as she walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her.
"Yes, it's not something that I feel like I HAVE to do."
"I get the feeling like you did not like it."
"It's not that at all. I am a pleaser, it makes me happy to make people happy. I get turned on by seeing someone turned on, get it? So the fact that you enjoyed it makes it exciting for me. I just don't see myself requesting to pee on a girl in order to feel satisfied."
"I get it. Drink your beer so you can pee in me you perv."
I chugged my can and opened another with a smile. We talked about football and other things as I drank the beer and water. After about 15 minutes I felt some pressure building.
"I feel a little pressure."
"Cool, let's go."
She got in the tub and instead of laying down she bent over. My cock was soft and I used my thumb to press the head inside and tried to go. My cock began to harden slightly as I felt my pee start to flow a little.
"Oh, I feel it."
I pushed in a little and let a little more go, I wanted a big stream but the feel of her pussy just made me want too hard.
"I'm getting too hard again."
I relaxed and tried to not move but her pussy almost massaged my cock as she talked.
"This feels good too, if you just want to go for it."
I tried to press more pee out but it just was not happening. I pushed myself inside her and began stroking. She responded in her usual 'oh' and 'ah'. I pulled out once and held my cock feeling the piss pressure building, some started to flow and I aimed it at her pussy and let it stream out. I pushed into her and the pee continued to flow.
"Oh god yes...yes..."
The pee flowed around my cock and down her legs. Only the head was in but it felt dirty and erotic. I pushed deeper and felt some pee go but my cock instantly jumped and sealed it off again. I just fucked.
The excitement of fucking her without a condom and the feeling of her pussy coupled with the fact that I had just pee on her and in her got my juices flowing quickly.
As I felt myself get close to cumming I considered doing that inside her also, I am 'fixed' so there is no worry of pregnancy but I did not feel comfortable asking. Weird how peeing inside was ok but cumming may be too far.
I pulled out and stroked my cock, rubbing the head against her pussy, when my cum start to go I aimed at her ass and back. When I was done she squatted down in the tub, stretching her legs a little from the odd position she had been in. My cock was a little softer and I felt a little pressure. Aiming at her back where I had cum I peed.
"Oh wow! You surprised me."
"Just washing of you back," I joked.
She arched her back and stood back up a little letting my peed hit her ass and pussy. When I was done we both showered off the mess and got dressed.
"I am going to want that again." She said.
"With you sugar daddy?"
"I don't trust him that way, you have to be my pee slut."
"Ok, just give me a couple days warning so I can change my diet."
"You really gave up meat for this?"
"I wanted to be sure you have every chance to enjoy it without any odors or surprises."
"Your a good friend."
"You bet your ass I am, I am going to get a steak and asparagus now..."
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Late night thoughts that are reborn in dreams and linger the next day.
I had trouble sleeping last night. I have not had trouble sleeping in quite a while. When I read my old blog I am reminded of how little I was sleeping at the time. I would go days without getting any REM sleep, just light resting. I was using mass amounts of caffeine, both liquid and pill form. I was also using Xanax in order to sleep, something that I rarely do now.
The lack of sleep was for two reasons:
1. I cannot stop thinking about escorts, all of them. Not just the one's that I have been with, but a few that I have now been with. I keep wanting to make a call and get with these new girls, the current legal climate here is the only thing making me think twice. I am sure that it is safe but the last thing I need is legal trouble.
2. I cannot stop thinking of porn. I will admit it has gotten out of control lately. I even got a new router at my house, one with parental controls. I had my wife set the password for the parental controls so I cannot change it when I get the urge. Unfortunately there are still some sites that the blocker does not block, and a couple of them are the one's that I specifically wanted blocked. Also Tumblr works just fine and I have been using that again...a little too much.
Sometimes if I masturbate then I will fall asleep, last night it only made me more horny. I think I know the reason. Lately I have taken to reading erotic stories when I lay down to sleep. My wife thinks I am reading news blogs or Facebook, however I am on XNXX. I link through my phone to bypass the router security...which begs the question, why did I set up the router security in the first place?
So, when I read the stories I get horny and I masturbate, however, I don't want my wife to know that I am masturbating so I do it really slowly without moving the bed. It takes a lot longer to get fully stimulated, sometimes an hour will pass. When I do cum the orgasm is unlike a fast and furious fap. It starts at my toes, my legs go stiff, my hair tingles and chills run down my back. I have to be as still as possible as this is overtaking me and I also cannot breath too deeply so it is like I am being suffocated.
This feeling stays for about 30 seconds because I can't just fap faster due to undesired bed jiggling, my hand just slowly squeezes and brushed the head of my cock. When the cum starts to pulse it feels like the muscles start squeezing in my back. They are slow and powerful, the first few spurts are the best landing on my chest and abdomen. I continue to pull, squeeze and rub as spurt after spurt releases down my cock. Even after I am done I keep my hand moving until my cock starts to go soft. A few time I have stayed hard and 30 minutes later I am cumming again. Whenever I do this I clean up quietly and go right to sleep.
Last night I was only using my imagination and I did not want to be up too late doing the slow fap. I got up and walked to the bathroom and did a quick jerk. In the end it only made me more awake and my cock way to sensitive. I sleep in the nude with a pillow between my legs, if my cock is sensitive it will rub on the pillow and I find myself uncomfortably humping it all night long. Pajama pants tend to do the same.
The last issue last night was my legs feeling "hot" and when the blanket was off they were "cold". I think I know the reason for this. My new workout that I started a few weeks ago focus a lot on legs. I am in the process of trying to get big...large muscles. In the past whenever I work out I have always focused on losing weight and lots of cardio. I also eat less to try and slim down. While it works great I eventually get hungry and I look too skinny. I have never been "big" so I want to experience it before my age makes it impossible...or at least impractical.
I am excited to see the results of my workout, one of the biggest things I am waiting for, the little "bulge" around my cock that makes me look fat (it is really small but I can see it). It also makes my cock smaller (I am sure of it). When I take cock shots and naked pictures that I all I see and I hate it.
I may be having sex at lunch so maybe I will sleep better tonight. Cheers.
The lack of sleep was for two reasons:
1. I cannot stop thinking about escorts, all of them. Not just the one's that I have been with, but a few that I have now been with. I keep wanting to make a call and get with these new girls, the current legal climate here is the only thing making me think twice. I am sure that it is safe but the last thing I need is legal trouble.
2. I cannot stop thinking of porn. I will admit it has gotten out of control lately. I even got a new router at my house, one with parental controls. I had my wife set the password for the parental controls so I cannot change it when I get the urge. Unfortunately there are still some sites that the blocker does not block, and a couple of them are the one's that I specifically wanted blocked. Also Tumblr works just fine and I have been using that again...a little too much.
Sometimes if I masturbate then I will fall asleep, last night it only made me more horny. I think I know the reason. Lately I have taken to reading erotic stories when I lay down to sleep. My wife thinks I am reading news blogs or Facebook, however I am on XNXX. I link through my phone to bypass the router security...which begs the question, why did I set up the router security in the first place?
So, when I read the stories I get horny and I masturbate, however, I don't want my wife to know that I am masturbating so I do it really slowly without moving the bed. It takes a lot longer to get fully stimulated, sometimes an hour will pass. When I do cum the orgasm is unlike a fast and furious fap. It starts at my toes, my legs go stiff, my hair tingles and chills run down my back. I have to be as still as possible as this is overtaking me and I also cannot breath too deeply so it is like I am being suffocated.
This feeling stays for about 30 seconds because I can't just fap faster due to undesired bed jiggling, my hand just slowly squeezes and brushed the head of my cock. When the cum starts to pulse it feels like the muscles start squeezing in my back. They are slow and powerful, the first few spurts are the best landing on my chest and abdomen. I continue to pull, squeeze and rub as spurt after spurt releases down my cock. Even after I am done I keep my hand moving until my cock starts to go soft. A few time I have stayed hard and 30 minutes later I am cumming again. Whenever I do this I clean up quietly and go right to sleep.
Last night I was only using my imagination and I did not want to be up too late doing the slow fap. I got up and walked to the bathroom and did a quick jerk. In the end it only made me more awake and my cock way to sensitive. I sleep in the nude with a pillow between my legs, if my cock is sensitive it will rub on the pillow and I find myself uncomfortably humping it all night long. Pajama pants tend to do the same.
The last issue last night was my legs feeling "hot" and when the blanket was off they were "cold". I think I know the reason for this. My new workout that I started a few weeks ago focus a lot on legs. I am in the process of trying to get big...large muscles. In the past whenever I work out I have always focused on losing weight and lots of cardio. I also eat less to try and slim down. While it works great I eventually get hungry and I look too skinny. I have never been "big" so I want to experience it before my age makes it impossible...or at least impractical.
I am excited to see the results of my workout, one of the biggest things I am waiting for, the little "bulge" around my cock that makes me look fat (it is really small but I can see it). It also makes my cock smaller (I am sure of it). When I take cock shots and naked pictures that I all I see and I hate it.
I may be having sex at lunch so maybe I will sleep better tonight. Cheers.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
A new begining
I had another persona, an internet private persona that I have written under for the past 7 years. In the end I had to lay him to rest. I learned the hard way that sharing a private persona with real people never ends well for anyone involved. Like many others who I have known and followed through the years there was a security breach (actually a couple) and things were compromised. With luck the damage will be contained, however only time will tell.
A little about my self...Peter...my new name.
Without giving away too much I will say that I am a husband, a father, a professional, a business owner, whoremonger, druggie, drunk and a cheat. From the outside looking in I am a perfect husband and father, model of the community. From the inside view things are quite different.
I started using whores 7 years ago, the second one I ever saw captured my heart, mainly through my dick. It was the best sex ever, to date only one person has matched her ability. Little did I know that she was also a heroin addict and a complete wackjob mentally. I was quickly sucked into her world, I would sit in my car for hours waiting for her to answer my texts so I could give her money and have an hour of pure sexual joy.
I was lulled into the idea that she cared for me, she did not...does not. I am sure in some small way she has feelings for me, however, in the chaos that is her life I am not sure she knows the difference between feelings and using people. He whole life has been about being used and using people.
In this 7 years it has been on and off again and again with her and I. There are other players in this little drama...boyfriends...sugar daddies...other clients...it has been a real ride. I thought it was over for good this last time, however I recently was contacted by her again asking for help.
The other big player is another whore who I developed a friendship with. I stopped sleeping with her years ago but continue to help her when she is desperate. She is a friend but a deeply troubled one who I cannot fully trust.
So, that is me....Peter...starting again...
A little about my self...Peter...my new name.
Without giving away too much I will say that I am a husband, a father, a professional, a business owner, whoremonger, druggie, drunk and a cheat. From the outside looking in I am a perfect husband and father, model of the community. From the inside view things are quite different.
I started using whores 7 years ago, the second one I ever saw captured my heart, mainly through my dick. It was the best sex ever, to date only one person has matched her ability. Little did I know that she was also a heroin addict and a complete wackjob mentally. I was quickly sucked into her world, I would sit in my car for hours waiting for her to answer my texts so I could give her money and have an hour of pure sexual joy.
I was lulled into the idea that she cared for me, she did not...does not. I am sure in some small way she has feelings for me, however, in the chaos that is her life I am not sure she knows the difference between feelings and using people. He whole life has been about being used and using people.
In this 7 years it has been on and off again and again with her and I. There are other players in this little drama...boyfriends...sugar daddies...other clients...it has been a real ride. I thought it was over for good this last time, however I recently was contacted by her again asking for help.
The other big player is another whore who I developed a friendship with. I stopped sleeping with her years ago but continue to help her when she is desperate. She is a friend but a deeply troubled one who I cannot fully trust.
So, that is me....Peter...starting again...
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